Clink: A Memoir

2011-03-06T15:37:00.000-05:00

Thank you, Stephen Fry.

2011-02-11T03:09:00.002-05:00

At the end of the night everyone wants to go somewhere they call home

It's eleven minutes past three in the morning and the credits begin to roll. He stumbles up the block, back towards the bar he left a half hour ago. Exhausted and drunk, he's almost given up looking for where his roommate left his car. His hair is down and the rubber band now around his thin wrist. It will remain there till morning. He places his hand against the brick wall and crosses his feet. A tangled piece of hair falls in his face and his tall, lanky figure completes a triangle that is the building-- sidewalk-- and his body. The wind is blowing through his white t-shirt that is littered with vintage-worn holes. The tops of his feet are exposed, framed by his black loafers. All of the energy that is him. The seven out of ten fingers with rings. The thin beautiful face that looks as though Andy Warhol sculpted it himself. The tarnished silver and turquoise necklace. The smile that lights the party. The person that is the party. All of this is on hold. He's become just like everyone else because it's the end of the night and everyone just wants to go home.

2011-02-09T16:41:00.002-05:00

From the "Create or Else" series

"Quality is king. Substance matters. we live in a terrible celebretized culture where the major labor product of the last 30 years came at it with, 'what can I market let's just throw this crap out there and make it stick.' To me an artist is someone who really wants to move someone else and wants to express what's in his or her heart. Once you divorce that from what you're actually putting out in public then you're really just a whore." Jack Rabid

2011-02-04T14:46:00.002-05:00

"Imagination is the only key to the future. Without it none exists - with it all things are possible."

~Ida Tarbell

2011-01-30T10:28:00.001-05:00

Nick Cave, I adore you

2010-10-25T14:34:00.007-04:00

Sling beers, burgers and then create something

Stability is a sound secure thing. It's attainable. Go to law school to be a lawyer. Go to nursing school to be a nurse. Be a teacher, a doctor, a plumber, a chef, be a stable piece of the American workforce. And sometimes this is my desire. To start all over again and be a mechanic. Wake up every morning and put on a standard grey-blue shirt, dark slate slacks, and black boots. Go to work. Hear complaints about noises, jerks, and smells. Get my hands deep and dirty inside of an engine. Find out what's wrong and repair it. Scrub my hands with a gritty, orange scented shop-soap and then every evening at 5:25 climb into my truck and drive home--- happy because I fixed something and there is beautiful black grit underneath the tips of my fingernails to prove it.

But turning back now is too easy. I've got this dream. This need to create. I love radio, sounds, music, recording, the wave form that is the picture of what is captured, editing, crafting the segments together, and most of all I love every story of every person. A story is a living creature. It is born every time a person tells it. A person's story is what makes a minute, an hour, a day, a season, a life. I want to learn and explore so many things: the issues of society, current events, struggles, discoveries, death, birth, adolescence, grieving, fear, reflections ... the list has no end.

The challenge is staying disciplined. Unlike the careers of most, being what it is that I want to be --- a mesh of documentarian, story teller, creative non-fiction writer, producer and something else not yet known--- is with out a definite career path. As I grow so will my career and portfolio which is why I have to keep myself in check; learn how to balance two jobs in bars and restaurants and to set deadlines for myself. Holding yourself accountable to no one but yourself is one of the most challenging tasks in life. Sure, I could go to journalism school or get a MFA in a media study but being a college graduate of the recession I can't bring myself to go into another level of student loan debt and this work isn't about education. It's about experience. Life. This work is a type of art.

Mark Vonnegut, a writer with whom I share a common battle with, recently wrote,

"Art is lunging forward without certainty about where you are going or how to get there, being open to and dependent on what luck, the paint, the typo, the dissonance, give you. Without art you're stuck with yourself as you are and life as you think life is."

So here is to the artists who work so they can create work. Never stop.

"Lament" by Mount Moriah. This is Heather McEntire's new project. She is a woman who never ceases to create beautiful moments.

2010-09-21T10:05:00.004-04:00

When decisions are like ingrown toenails: a fierce decision was made, picked, pinched, pulled back, and in a swift movement all that's left is a broken piece of fiber. An exposing rip. With time it grows trying to heal itself, but the new growth is in the wrong direction, the decision is irreversible, and a superficial treatment is just a delay. Time and time again she can't fix it, the Korean nail artist looks and in sad conclusion-- too deep, it's too deep -- she says. So she trims down the flesh with short gentle moves, trying to encourage the nail to grow in the right direction. Maybe this time it will not petrude into the flesh, maybe it will grow slower and be correct. But the cycle is repeated. And she says every time, looking up with that fallen smile -- too deep, i try but it's too deep -- so she paints the new color of red and knows it will be the same in three weeks.

When mistakes are like ingrown toenails the dull annoying pain flares up with everyday use and it stays that way because it's necessary. Self broken. Self fake fix.

2010-06-15T13:04:00.002-04:00

Let the summer of sound begin.

On my first assignment as an intern for WUNC I found myself in downtown Raleigh, my stomping ground. I work, play, and live in downtown Raleigh. I know the area well, but what I didn't stop to notice until I had a microphone in my hand and headphones on my ears, is what downtown sounds like. I knew I wanted to make this summer one of sound, recordings, experimenting and having fun but I didn't realize how rich and promising my downtown backyard would be. This is is a clip I was able to capture with a not-so-great mic so there are a few glitches, but the beauty shines through. It gives you a few minutes of the music of downtown Raleigh, specifically Dave Bullock. This recording has inspired me to work on a larger piece that presents the many street musicians in downtown, their stories, and their music.

2010-05-03T23:16:00.007-04:00

I love you Mabel Mercer.

If only you could have lived longer, long enough to write songs about how technology affects the way we remember. You were born 33 days into the twentieth century and died the day I was born-- April 20, 1984.

2010-04-16T11:13:00.003-04:00

Facebook, an advertisement for the self*

Facebook is the demise of a beautiful piece my generation's innate tools of life--- communication. I honestly believe Facebook is killing the human interaction between two people. The constant updates of what one thinks, feels, likes, is doing, wants, needs, dislikes, loves, is in a relationship with, and even the updates of pictures are suffocating the development of young adults. Pictures have become a status rather than a memory. The images that were once shared moments placed in frames on desks or dressers for a quick glance during daily life are now compressed into digital catalogs for others to look at. There is no privacy. There is no solitude. There is no separation between experience and feeling. It is all mixed together and plastered on a wall for all to see. We post multiple times a day and check others multiple times a day, and we expect that of others. There is no stopping point. There is no off button. We have connected the platform to our phones so we can send a text to update our status or upload a mobile image. And my generation is fine with that. They demand it. They crave it. We want to know everything about everyone. It goes two ways too. Employers look at profiles before an interview to evaluate a person's personality and demeanor before they hire someone, before the candidate even has the chance to interact with the possible employer. Young people do the same before they go on a date with someone.

I could spend a year writing a thesis on this and carefully dissect the transformation of human interaction, but God it would drain me. So rather I will attempt to live a balanced life. I will grow older and learn how to balance the social norm of marketing my feelings and experiences by creating a digital presence of who I am on Facebook (or whatever new social networking site will become standard) with the idealistic belief that to live is to feel and to feel is to interact in-person with other human beings. If we go through life not feeling, whether it be because we have whittled interaction down to an email or a wall post, or because we have become too busy to slow down and give a strong hug, we are just addicts--- wasting the gift of life. I will always look a person in their eyes. I will call them to make plans, instead of sending a text. I will write them a letter and send a card on their birthday instead of buying a Facebook gift to post on their wall. I will never be too busy to randomly scratch the back of the person I am trying to love. I will learn more about who I am through the challenges of life and the interactions of others because I will not be just an advertisement for a version of myself.

*The inspiration for this title came from David Byrne's song, "Angels."

there are no angles in america anymore, they left after the second world war ... i can barely touch my own self, how could i touch someone else, i am just an advertisement, for a version of myself, like a molecules in constant motion, like a million nervous ticks, i am quivering, in anticipation, like the sunlight on their wings

2010-03-23T12:13:00.003-04:00

Broken Hearted Health Care Bill: When 2009 was coming to a close my hopes were high for health care reform, so high that it was almost toxic. I rang in the new year with a kiss from my boyfriend and a dream that when I went back to college in 2010 I would be able to have my driver's license back. But I was wrong. Let me explain.

I don't have a drivers license because I don't have health insurance. In the seventh grade I was diagnosed with a childhood seizure disorder. I take medications to control the seizures, a medication that is supplied to me by a prescription assistance program that I financially qualify for. The state of North Carolina requires a neurologist's clearance for me to obtain my driver's license. The paperwork has to be renewed every two years and when my paperwork came up for renewal two years ago I was without health insurance, so my license was revoked. Attempting to fix the solution I tried to purchase the most basic health insurance coverage but because I have a pre-existing condition my premiums were outrageous. A monthly payment over $300 is not in my budget. It is just not possible. So when there was talk that the reform would mandate insurance companies to extend the age limit for students from 24 or 25 to 27 and only require half-time enrollment, instead of the full-time requirement, I thought this would be my answer. I was returning to NC State as a part-time student working on my second degree.

As March comes to a close and my 26th birthday approaches in April I will keep my head buried in my chemistry books because the health care bill that passed has left me with a broken heart. NPR reports that the bill extends the age to 26, one year less than the predicted age of 27, and the earliest reported date that the reform will come into effect is September, five months after my birthday. So for me it's back to saving money. The lowest quote for a neurologist appointment starts at $150 and can easily cost twice that. The necessary EEG, a routine test used to asses epilepsy, starts at $850 and can shoot upwards of $2,000.

Back to the music, cue "What Becomes of The Broken Hearted," by Jimmy Ruffin

2010-01-01T10:34:00.002-05:00

Robert Francis ... "rock n' roll my little girl, rock n' roll in your big big world"

His 2007 release, One by One, on Aeronaut Records is one of my all time favorite records. Every time I listen to the recording it gives me something new, something a little more than the last. His new record is out on Atlantic, although I haven't listened to it yet. And he recently visited Daytrotter for a session which you can find HERE.

2009-08-11T09:40:00.002-04:00

"Hey Kelly, who is this?"

When I hear that question more than once I know I've found a nugget of goodness, which was again the case this Sunday when I tended bar at Raleigh Times. Tending bar at any established, well functioning restaurant is kind of like winning the lottery and working at The Times there is an added bonus, not only is the lucky, hardworking, winner pouring great beers, but they are also choosing the tunes. So for me, although I am usually waiting tables, this is absolute heaven. This past Sunday, after the lunch rush of downtown visitors, young professionals with their hangovers, and the always lovely regulars looking for a cold beer, I slipped in an album I've been coming back to on a regular basis lately, "Golden Touch" by Wow and Flutter. It's out on Jealous Butcher Records. You can listen to most of the album on the band's MySpace or visit Jealous Butcher to buy the sweet 180-gram vinyl. The above video is the first track, "Red Face," from the album. Dig it.

:hearts and guitars:

2009-07-08T15:50:00.015-04:00

New Finds

www.reverbnation.com/cinderellamotel

Cinderella MOTEL, duo from LA that reminds me of The Raincoats and Joan Jett. The duo is also the July Band of the Month for LA's Deli Magazine

To listen to exclusive songs, decide if you want a free download and in turn pay the band--the basics of the Sponsored Songs program--click on the names of the artists below. For their ReverbNation profile, follow the link.

Cinderella MOTEL

Dead Unicorn

A duo that puts out edgy Fugazi like songs. A def for when you want to crank it loud.

www.reverbnation.com/deadunicorn

Sketchnote
Quality hip-hop and quality musicianship.

www.reverbnation.com/sketchnote

Sounds Delecious

An Aussie find, easy to leave playing forever, this song is for fans of Liam Finn but their other tracks remind me of Explosions in the Sky.

www.reverbnation.com/soundsdelecious

The Sheaks

Acoustic song that reminds me of Ryan Adams.

www.reverbnation.com/thesheaks

Corey Landis

Found this guy through NC's Dan Bryk, similar sound, excellent lyrics.

www.reverbnation.com/coreylandis

and an artist without the best pictures, but still worth a listen

L. David Segovia a Charlotte NC guy, interesting song writing and vocals, not typical singer songwriter

2009-06-21T22:20:00.000-04:00

I stumbled across this today. Reminds me of Emily Hanes and Metric.

in love

2009-06-19T16:08:00.001-04:00

I cannot get enough of this song

2009-06-19T13:10:00.003-04:00

NEW MUSIC, yes sir

Bowerbirds, "Beneath Your Tree"

Polvo, "Beggars Bowl"

2009-06-09T19:56:00.001-04:00

2009-06-09T16:43:00.001-04:00

2009-06-02T16:32:00.001-04:00

Because I can't play it on the radio

2009-05-29T10:11:00.001-04:00

whoa, I am not the only one

2009-05-11T15:38:00.002-04:00

Brian Williams? Really? Bri Tunes? Does the production and MSNBC staff really call Brian Williams, "Bri"? As in, "Hey Bri what's up?" I seriously doubt it.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

And for the record, I stood next to David Fricke during the Deer Tick SXSW performance at the Ground Control Touring Stage. He is a very tall man.

NBC, come on, give a gal a chance! I could have delivered you this band a year and a half ago. Props to Deer Tick though.

2009-05-10T03:37:00.002-04:00

For all things beautiful

Balmorhea with, "Harm and Boon."

2009-05-04T15:03:00.007-04:00

In memory of Ian "SpyK" Quick

Spyk, I am missing you, terribly. The words I want to write won't come together, but the thoughts in my head are churning, so I am doing the best thing I can--- playing you a song. For every time we danced in the kitchen at work, rocked out our apartment and pissed off the neighbors downstairs, for all of the milk you loved to drink and every time you took care of my dog, this one is for you. Dance.

We Are The People

"We can remember, swimming in the summer... we are the people that ruled the world."

2009-04-08T12:13:00.003-04:00

Tweeting.

Subscribe to my twitter here, www.twitter.com/kellyisthere

and for the original tweeting, here is a Disney Classic*

*by Classic, I mean a copyrighted-till-the world ends-video clip of the 1947 Academy Award Winner for "Best Song," which was never released in its entirety on home video in the USA due to a controversy that argued it to be racist.

2009-04-01T22:52:00.002-04:00

"This Too Shall Pass," by Danny Schmidt from Austin, Texas.

I was unable to catch his show during SXSW and I am regretting the missed opportunity. This song is stuck in my head. It requires three listens-- the first to be mesmerized, the second to hear all the layers, and the third to realize that the lyrics are an extended metaphor of cancer.

2009-04-01T11:39:00.005-04:00

SXSW09 pics arriving, finally.

Follow this here link, for photos of local NC bands at SXSW. More are on the way.

Adorned with the North Carolina flag,
Daniel Hart of Physics of Meaning
packs away his violin after a show
at Friend Island for a Hometapes party.

Next to Chip Robinson's merch table, Van Alston
spells out the best way to support NC bands at SXSW.
[photos of Chip's show soon to come on the Picasa site]

2009-03-19T21:17:00.006-04:00

SXSW09 Travel Mates

Escapees from
the Kentucky
zoo travel
with Wax Fang.

A lovely lady
watches over
Philly group,
Drink Up
Buttercup.

2009-03-17T14:49:00.004-04:00

My First Assignment: Bad coffee, Texas heat, and technology

Right now I am sitting in a hotel room in Killeen, Texas, drinking a second cup of complimentary hotel coffee that I loaded with those terrible tasting-French Vanilla-no refrigeration-required-creamers. Tonight I will drive down to San Antonio to connect with the band, Megafaun. Wednesday morning I will follow the band up to Austin and start posting twice-daily blog posts for The Independent Weekly <http://www.indyweekblogs.com/scan/> thus beginning my coverage of the beast of a music festival that is South By Southwest, or SXSW. Somehow, in the mix of post-graduation life, I scored this writing gig and it wasn't till the second cup of crappy coffee that I realized this is the start of my life as a writer.

SXSW is a four-day event that takes place is the wonderfully weird city of Austin. During these four days over 1,500 bands will perform for more than 125,000 attendees. Music shows start at eleven in the morning, run til five or six in the evening, followed by an hour break so the clubs can clean up and get ready to do it all over again, going until three or four in the morning. My job is to find the unknown or half-known bands, those both local to North Carolina and others known on a national level, interview them, review their performance, take pictures, write about it all, and upload the content on to the blog—in the midst of a hectic music festival. Most of my writing will be done on a sidewalk where I can cop a free wi-fi signal, and my editor, Grayson Currin, will receive the file on his iPhone, edit and upload the content from the palm of his hand. As the week goes on, things will get desperate. I will scourer the streets for any free electric outlets in order to charge my Macbook, camera, and Blackberry. My knees will ache from sixteen-hour workdays and my ears will ring from the continuous hours of live music. I will be on assignment.

If you climb the stairs of Tompkins Hall you will find numerous signs that promote the English department's internship program. On one of the signs, during my last week of classes, I felt so inclined to leave my mark. Underneath the question, "What will you be after graduation?" and between the options "Waiter" or "Writer" I took my pen out and wrote, "BOTH!" Although the first two months of life after graduation felt flat-lined and pale, taking that I finished school in the onset of what some call "Recession 2.0," I continued to write and save my tip money. I am balancing life as a waitress and a writer. It's nothing to brag about, or maybe it is, after all I am writing you this e-mail. Being a writer, for me, is about freedom—the freedom to think, to make my own schedule, to read what I want rather than what is assigned by a boss, the freedom an assignment, and all its unpredictable challenges and gifts.

So as classes, budget cuts, and headlines continue, eliminate no option, because all those late-night hours of serving two-dollar Pabst Blue Ribbons have funded my first writing gig.

2009-02-23T13:09:00.004-05:00

"Are you scared of making money!?!"

Things in my life have changed, as they do after one graduates from college. I could write a two page essay on why it is the worst time economically to graduate and ramble on about misfourtunes, letting the paragraphs stack up to a grim conclusion on how my generation is a pile of sponges. But I am not going to write those words. Complaining doesn't help a damn thing. So I am facing the facts; Bev Perdue is Governor, we are teetering between a depression and painful recession, and because I have chosen not to enter the 9-5 workforce straight out of college, my life is not going to follow the books, and I will not exactly be raking in the money, or health benefits. But I am doing what I want to do: perusing a life of music, writing, art, and happiness--- creating a self-defined position that has no list of college requirements. And, hey I graduated and at the same time, managed to squeeze a lil' drop of blood from a sugarcube.

2008-12-07T19:29:00.002-05:00

T-minus-ten days till I graduate. This song is pretty much the extent of where I am right now, going against my mind, going against the grain, going against all doubt. Built to Spill, Going Against My Mind

2008-11-17T23:10:00.001-05:00

I don't tell my reasons why.

Discover The Cure!

2008-11-11T12:42:00.006-05:00

Radio is nothing without listeners.

Nic Harcourt steps down from Morning Becomes Eclectic at KCRW, and again I am reminded of where I come from.

Dreams feel so good sometimes, remembering a dream can feel even better, but seeing my dream job become available five weeks prior to my graduation date is a cup of sweet chamomile tea in my aching stomach of nerves.

I haven't applied for the job, and I can't expect the best radio station in America to track me down and request my resume, nor do I feel like I could begin to even attempt at filling the headphones of Nic Harcourt. But I can use this as motovaiton to work hard towards graduation, and as a reminder of how I fell in love with music and radio.

I am where I am today--in love with music, radio, and the connection of an interview, because of KCRW. I was in my university library, sitting there, studying a subject I lost interest in a year prior, stressed, miserable, and searching for "streaming eclectic music" on google when I found Nic Harcourt on Morning Becomes Eclectic. He was interviewing Roseanne Cash on KCRW.com and it was at one in the morning, after listening to that interview, that I changed my entire focus of college. I felt connected again, listening to Harcourt interview Cash, asking about her dad, her music, and the changes in her life and it was KCRW broadcasting the performance of her music-- unedited and real, that reminded me of what was missing in my life, radio.

My roots are at WKNC, where Ben McNeely, Joel Frady and I started a talk show, and then carried it through two years of air time. WKNC is where I found myself in local music, why I went to countless shows at King's on the weekends, where I found my voice in indie music, where I stayed many late nights working in the office, reworking rotation and reviewing CDs, where I brought band after band in for interviews and gave them the opportunity to play their music, live on 25,000 watts of radio. WKNC is where I learned about the music industry and how I want to be a part of it. WKNC is a huge part of who I am, and it is largely because of that night in the library when KCRW gave me music and and a damn good reason to forget about being a chemist, and I could not be more thankful for that.

So, Nic, thank you for your work and your time at KCRW. Although I have been focusing on WKNC for the past twenty months, and not listening to you as much as I did in the beginning of my radio journey, I am truly sad to see you leave. You and KCRW have done so much for the alternative music community, the artists, and most importantly-- the life and rebirth of radio itself. So it is once again, it is you and KCRW giving me inspiration to dream and a reason to continue to work hard.

2008-11-06T11:03:00.003-05:00

take me away,
back to when I found Ginger Envelope on a Saturday night at Kings
back to when the economy was good and my graduation date was still two years away
back to when I didn't know any better
back to the days of hard working and goal making
back to when reality didn't sting
before I read A Portrait of the Artist as A Young Man
before I read The Road
before I figured out how the music industry works
before I learned too much and got my nerves on edge

cradle and encapsulate it all

2008-10-13T09:31:00.002-04:00

It is so hard not to worry.

"This is not the time for government to shell out another 150 million dollars," blah blah blah.

Give me another stimulus check. I could use it to purchase some neem oil, or something to soothe my cuticles. My nerves have been racked lately. I am graduating, willing I pass my Spanish class, in less than two months and to be honest, I am feeling the anxiety of the economy. I am a student of middle class parents who had no form of finances to pay for my "higher level of education." Which means I have a nice size of student loan debt left in my book bag after my last round of final exams. I will be entering into the best years of my life with debt and worry. So yes, Almighty "All-knowing" Government, give me that second round of stimulus checks and please, don't forget about the millions of Americans who trusted the government in accepting Stafford student loan money. The debates, on both state and national levels, are chocked full of plans on how to make college education more affordable-- but this is talk for the future, something our leaders are so good at, talk talk talking about the future. But what about the now? So many young adults have trusted the advice that earning a college degree will better prepare them for the the future. But I worry that this is a falsity. I fear that the millions of young Americans who will be paying off their student loans during this period of economic transition will feel the strongest blow of economic uncertainty. Federal Stafford loans are funded by private lenders, such as Citibank, which means the loans granted through Federal program will be handed over to the private sector. The private sector is obviously in a crisis and the possibility of the private sector jacking interest rates even higher than the current 6.8% is a real possibility. Student loan debt is unable to be compensated through bankruptcy, and I am sure the private sector knows this. The loan debt will ALWAYS be there. So the potential for the private sector to take advantage of this is a huge risk to a whole generation. The class of December 2008, and even May 2009, should be scared, pissed, and ready to write congress. If the American Government forgets these people, if they forgo the opportunity to protect the generation that trusted the recommendation of going into debt to earn a higher level of education, then the American Government will be setting America up for failure. There will be a whole generation of young adults that will never be able to live and enjoy life without an economic cloud looming over head. The economic future of the graduating middle class is as real a problem as the current economic turmoil.

2008-09-09T09:02:00.003-04:00

I think today will be a good day. It has to be. I woke up with this song in my head and therefore it has to be a good day. This is a song from Benji Hughes double disk release on New West Records entitled, "A LOVE EXTREME." It's pretty sweet; catchy weird pop rock tunes. Benji is everything you want out of a modern rocker-- sensible yet extreme, a 70's rocker look complete with gorgeous hair, and a damn good song writer. Of course he is awesome, he is from North Carolina.

Represent

2008-09-08T11:34:00.001-04:00

“Three months prior to graduation”
K. Reid

it is only salt water
running down my cheeks
nothing more
not a sign of fear
of doubt
or anxiety

my nerves are fine
my nails are always bitten
to the nub
my cuticles are always sore
from tending the weeded
hang nails

I chose to graduate with
a writing degree
I chose not to file myself
in the standard 9 to 5
I chose the alternative

and now, the route
this life of art
freedom
a piercing pursuit
has evoked salt water
running down my cheeks

fuck
I am scared

2008-08-10T23:53:00.002-04:00

I work too much perhaps, but dreams take work.

Future Islands, "Little Dreamer" 11.10.07

2008-08-06T13:00:00.002-04:00

Is that a Keytar?

Yes, yes it is. So watch the vid. Dance. And let the lyrics get stuck in the brain....

And all this love, save it for nothing, I've never felt so blue. And all this love, rainbow stylin.

Life is a Mashup. Here is some Girl Talk with a little bit o digital anthropology comments. Learn ya something now.

Yes Lawrence Lessing, making people pirates is good. Make me a pirate and I will beam musical wattage from inside the city. Give me a standard to live against. Democracy is hungover from the bottle of capitalism and the people are tired of the snooze button.

Michael Wesch is genius.

2008-07-25T13:17:00.002-04:00

They sure don't make 'em like they used to. Ricky Nelson, I wish you were still around to teach boys a lesson or two. Chivalry is dead, and common decency is in the intensive care unit. Technology has taken courting and dating to texting and Facebook. It makes me sick. What happened to just asking (in person, face to face) a lady to the movies?

~signed with love, Kelly Lou Reid

2008-07-23T20:05:00.005-04:00

Music take a dance with me. Whisper in my ear and tell me the future. Tell me what will happen to radio. Does the injection of digitalization become lethal?

2008-07-18T13:19:00.005-04:00

I don't usually do this, but after having an exceptional radio show yesterday I wanted to reflect on the play list. Radio is my love. It takes me away from everything. For two hours I lay down all the cds and vinyl. Make a mess. And mix songs. Yesterday I woke up and said to myself, I want to play some Beach Boys and that awesome Lucinda Williams song, that nine minute long song. So I did. I wish I could podcast the set, but I am not that advanced yet, and the truth is that live radio is better than any podcast could be. Enjoyz.

END
Joy Division Shes Lost Control
Jim Noir Ships and Clouds
Little Beirut Acid Wash Soul
Neva Dinova Its Hard to Love You
Andre Williams And The New Orleans Hellh Rosalie
Young Fresh Fellows I Wonder What She's Doing Tonight
The Shys Savior
The dBs Nothing Is Wrong
Beach Boys Don't Worry Baby
Wilco Shot in the Arm
Lonnie Walker Wider Than White
Animal Collective For Reverend Green
The Black Angels You In Color
The Kinks I Gotta Move
The Dry Heathens Just as Well
Jah Wobble Ollie Marland Polly Eltes Voodoo
Violet Vector and the Lovely Lovelies Make My Day
Filthybird Fightsong
Caitlin Cary & Thad Cockrell Second Option
Dr. Dog Uncovering the Old
Man... Or Astroman? Jokers Wild
Okkervil River You Cant Hold The Han Of A Rocknroll Man
Echo And The Bunnymen All That Jazz
Mr. Gnome Pirates
Beck Soul Of A Man
King Khan And The Shrines Burnin Inside
Kings Of Leon Milk
Lucinda Williams Wrap My Head Around That
START

2008-07-11T11:46:00.007-04:00

Damn right I am whiner, because I have things to whine about. For one, I have no health insurance and not enough money to take care of my medical needs. If the economy stays upright long enough for my father's insurance to kick in when September 15 rolls around then maybe I will hush, but it's not likely. The problem is real. The economy faltering and thus resulting in my father being laid off is not mental. The lack of a health-care safety net for full time, working students like myself is not mental (Yes there is COBRA, but you have to be able to afford it). My two cavities, wisdom teeth extraction, and recently worsening vertigo issue is not mental. I need to see a doctor, I can't afford it, and I think that is something worth whining about.

While we're on the topic of a "mental recession," last time I checked the millions of factory workers being laid of in America didn't ask for their jobs to be outsourced overseas. All you politicians don't get it. The number of Americans living paycheck to paycheck is rising. Americans need to stop right now and ask themselves this-- if you lost your job, how long would it be till the bank foreclosed on your house or you were evicted because you could not pay rent? How long would it be till your car was repossessed or you were forced to sell it? Till your savings were drained, well if you have one? And don't rely on food stamps or unemployment because it is not that much help and if everyone needs it at once then the system would collapse (I don't know how it hasn't already collapsed but that is another topic). So how long would it be till the mental became reality? Ten months, six months, three months? You know, maybe you are right Phil Gramm, maybe it is mental. Americans have been mentally poisoned to believe that gas prices will always be cheap, there will always be jobs, and products will always be affordable. And now that the tables have turned, now that we have been over promised, over outsourced, and over marketed, we are whining.

What we need is a good, hard slap upside the head. You don't NEED a SUV. You don't NEED a huge house. You don't NEED new clothes every season. We need to conserve, live with in the means to function and live-- our actual means, not the means of interest rates-- and we need to look in the mirror and ask ourselves, "Who is controlling who?"

Now, because music makes everything better, Mates of State with, "Whiners Bio."

2008-06-25T01:16:00.003-04:00

"Fate has a funny way of coming around,"

The telling piece of advice is tucked away in the the second to last song on Dr. Dog's new album, Fate. And as life will have its funny way, the title of the song is The Beach. So I forget that I am not at the beach. And I remember. I am here in my city of oaks, crashing pools. Sometimes beaches have concrete ledges and chlorine. Sometimes the beach is my bed. Sand pillows and sound waves.

Forecast: the latest album from Dr. Dog is the sound summer makes when you catch the first lightining bug, cupped inside of your hands the music glows when you take a look at the first token of freedom.

There is this dream I've been conjuring up. It involves booking bands, live music, a pirate radio station, some form of a hotel or hostel, and a combination of good drinks and eats--- all in the same location. Add a swimming hole into the mix.

Mr. Tender of the Bar, add a little Strychnine to that drink, will ya?

2008-06-09T20:43:00.006-04:00

The Summer of Mash n. Splash

It is one hundred and two degrees. 3 digits of heat in June. I asked for it. During the gray of winter I held on to Loudon Wainwright's The Swimming Song and now-- now I have my summer of mashing pedals, sweating from every inch of skin, feeling the glisten of the wind, riding through the night and then
splash.

If you've been pedaling around downtown Raleigh there is a chance that you may have seen the neon colored signs posted for this week's edition of Local Beer Local Band Night.

The CD Release show for The Proclivities will be this Thursday, June 12-- as in two days after the Mudhoney and Birds of Avalon show at the Cat's cradle. For some it is two days after the frikinREMfrikNationalfrinkinModestwho?frikfrik show.

Frik is my new word.

I needed to define proclivity so I looked it up and found that in context someone may have a proclivity to meticulousness and that a proclivity is similar to a propensity in such the sense that someone may have a propensity to drink too much. Frik is so much eaiser to understand.

Opening this Thursday will be The Young Sons out of Charlotte. So if the propensity for new music and adventure overcomes the proclivity of routine, give in. Give in to the summer of Mash n. Splash. (frik)

Enjoy this footage of The Proclivities. Not much going on for video work here but I think it captures the ambiance generated by Matt Douglas. To hear the new album, Handguns and Dancing Shoes, which was produced, mixed, and recorded by the guitarist for The Proclivities,Chris Boerner, just tune into WKNC 88.1 in the Triangle or worldwide at wknc.org.

Frik.

2008-06-08T14:49:00.002-04:00

Oh-- NPR
tell me you are not a level of capitalism underneath the dark blanket of corporatization that covers America,
tell me there is still a opportunity for what is
real.
Tell me my last resort is not pirate radio. Someone tell me the movement of music will not be consumed by the technology of mongers.

2008-05-10T10:17:00.005-04:00

The guitar is the new defibrillator.

I find myself watching these videos compulsively in order to get myself through the week. Drooling over the sound of the guitar. The raw, in your face, realism of local music. I let the sound shock me into gear because the harder I work, the harder I can play. And seriously, where else in the Triangle of Raleigh, Durham and Chapel Hill can you check out TWO awesome local bands for FREE?

Only a few days away, THIS THURSDAY June 5th at Tir Na Nog for WKNC's Local Beer Local Band night..... so excited about

Lonnie Walker

and opening the night will be Grass Widow

Friday is now shadowed by the almighty power Thursday night's of WKNC's Local Beer Local Band night.

And it rained rock and rock n' roll.

2008-05-05T10:25:00.004-04:00

Tomorrow [revision] TODAY is the day--- the day to vote for your presidential candidate in the primaries. So, North Carolina please VOTE!

and enjoy this music video from Fourth of July, "In Debt"

because I'm in debt like my country

and time has a way to make you forget how good or bad things went-- but your vote never forgets. America should know that after eight years.

2008-05-01T11:34:00.003-04:00

Bonnaroo-schmannaroo-poo

Why would I go stand in the middle of huge crowd of sweaty formulites on a dusty hill to barely see a band I don't even like when I can drink cold beer, see better music, not pay near as much money and rock the hell out?

So I am passing on Manchestter TN and going for Chattanooga.

Chattanooga Punk Fest
Click here for the line up with active links to the bands' myspace sites.

Do Ya Hear We - 2008

Thurs. June 19 - 8pm @ Anarchtica

Nestor Makhno (Huntsville, AL)
Spaceweed (Asheville, NC)
Suspicous Packages
Whoremonger
Shellshag (Brooklyn, NY)
Endless Bummer (Asheville, NC)
GTO CrackWagon (Dalton, GA)
Choose Your Poison (Appleton, WI)

Fri. June 20 - 8pm @ JJ's Bohemia - 21 & up

Al Scorch (Chicago, IL)
Wrister (Atl, GA)
Gravebound
Night of the Wolf
The Wrong Feeling
Future Virgins
Otter Spice

Sat. June 21 - 2pm @ Riverview Park

Rock Paper Stuid
Disasterly Do Nothings (Huntsville, AL)
Giant Tiger
False Sense of Hope
Tulsa (San Francisco, CA)
Queerwulf

Sat. June 21 - 8pm @ Clean Cut Entertainment

Heccbus
What If
Nasty Ponies (Asheville, NC)
American Cheeseburger (Athens, GA)
Landlord (Bloomington, IN)
Jack Palance Band
All Night Drug Prowling Wolves (Atl, GA)

Sun. June 22 - 2pm @ 11th St. Warehouse

Hoth
Flea Market Royalty
P.S. Eliot (B'ham, AL)
ADD/C
Princess Thunderstorm (Asheville, NC)
Hidden Spots

Sun. June 22 - 8pm @ Sonny's Place - 21 & up

Methlabs Gone Wrong
Que Mart (Atl, GA)
Sasquatch
Electric Damn (Asheville, NC)
Beach Patrol (Milwaukee, WI)
Stupid Party (Brooklyn, NY)
Scum of the Fucking Earth (Gainesville, FL)
Burnin Doobage

2008-04-28T19:16:00.003-04:00

Need to take a minute and write. Currently in the last arm of the storm. Lying in the ditch, holding onto the milk cow, boy I hope they fed her good n' plenty--those winds are fierce. EXAM WEEK.

I've been thinking about the Peace Corps a lot lately. It is something I want to do but have inhibitions about. There are stories of females being raped while serving. I would think that each case is situational but it still makes me question the perception of Americans in other countries.

There are some things I am going to do this summer.

-read Ulysses and some McCarthy
-learn how to do a hand stand
-make a music video/short film

I enjoy this one. Obvious college student but the music is good and I enjoy the attempt at mystique.

A lil something to go with that milk cow.

And I am trying so damn hard to throw a house party for these guys (actual band not shown in video). A FAULTY CHROMOSOME ----------->

2008-04-21T07:26:00.000-04:00

Somewhere in between writing a paper, Spanish homework, and waiting tables I had a birthday. I never felt that special birthday ting, but I do feel another year older.

24

What to do with the year of twenty-four? Define, deliver, demand.

2008-04-16T13:11:00.005-04:00

John Hillcoat, please use Avey Tare and Panda Bear of Animal Collective in the soundtrack for the upcoming film adaptation of McCarthy's THE ROAD. Please. I can only imagine what eerie sounds they could produce for the film. It would work well.

One of up my friends who tends to disagree with me on musical things also disagreed with me on this choice. He had good points- they don't make soundtrack music and they have never made a record that would fit the sound of the book; generally their music has an underlying tone of happiness. His points were valid, but too formulaic. For me it was the timing.

I told him that it kind of happened like this: I read the book, then two weeks later post-McCarthy upset and doomed feeling, I listen to some Panda Bear, and could hear them drawing out the suspense of a "lost human" noise through out the book and then at the end,
with the glimpse of green color
and the survival of the boy
the music breaks,
with a sliver of hope,
the passing of the fire;
the knowledge that inside humans are men, people, a fire
and somehow humanity survives.

This music and creative writing mixture of study just might work for me.

2008-04-03T14:10:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I find myself tired. Well, too often I am tired. Revision: exhausted. Beyond physical and into the mental. A brain that is worn down to a nub. A stump of emotion. Lacking a refuge. Even music is beyond a repairing tool. But then, I find a reason to dance, to twirl, to let my hair down and catch a glimpse of my smile in the mirror.

Find an idea and hold tight onto it. The sun. The exuberant heat. And the pool. Sweating next to the pool. Drinking. Reading. Swimming. The refuge of summer, and its perfect nights.

2008-03-23T14:07:00.002-04:00

Hey Beverly Purdue, I will trade you your many sets of pearls for my wisdom teeth hurting; they still need to be extracted and I still don't have health insurance. Or, how about that boat that your sons crashed while gallivanting on the Trent River with ladies, after drinking. Yeah, that boat was probably equivalent to the costs of my college education at North Carolina State University. Of course they didn't get into trouble with mommy on their side:

The Associated Press State & Local Wire October 25, 2007 Thursday 6:15 PM GMT

Perdue brothers cleared of responsibility in boating accident
NEW BERN N.C.

A federal judge says the sons of Lt. Gov. Beverly Perdue were not responsible
for a boating accident on the Trent River in 2003.

Chief U.S. District Court Judge W. Earl Britt blamed the crash on the other
boater, Phillip Amerson, who had no lights illuminating his boat when he was
struck by the boat of Emmett and Garrett Perdue.

The judge says Amerson saw the other boat but did nothing to avoid the
collision. Amerson will now have to pay the medical bills for three women
injured in the collision.

Beverly Perdue is seeking the Democratic nomination for governor.

LOAD-DATE: October 26, 2007
LANGUAGE: ENGLISH PUBLICATION-TYPE: Newswire Copyright 2007 Associated Press All Rights Reserved

Perdue stop trying. You are not a coal miner's daughter. You are a coal mine OWNER'S daughter.

I am the daughter of a truck driver, a man who has returned to driving trucks after Bruce Wunner and other people at Refuel America (part of NewGen Technologies) failed to pay him for months of work, failed to make payment on health insurance, failed to notify my father of possible problems with paying him, and STILL owe him money. I imagine that these people at ReFuel and NewGen are driving their lovely expensive cars, going on vacations, seeing their dentists and doctors, and not worrying a bit about how their inadequate business planning has effected my family. Try being that daughter Perdue.

So Perdue, you should just stop, because you are not getting my vote.

2008-03-20T10:00:00.007-04:00

I need stickers that look like this:

so I can paste them on the backs of the college kids around my university. Seriously though, it is 8:30 in the morning and I am continually nauseated by crap smells. Do you really need to douse yourself in a overbearing BAD cologne/perfume for class? It is class. Freakin class. Not the club. Not the keg party. Not the student center. And the wrong-doers are everywhere too. The computer lab. The bathroom. The hall way. These kids are reminding me why I need to get out of college. I try to sip my coffee and all I smell is cheap department-store stank. Grow up. Get some taste. Let me enjoy the mornings.

Sheesh.

I've been playing catch up this week. I cranked out a short story on Monday and to my surprise it has received good response for my professors and peers. I will try to edit and clean it up so that there is something to read for the weekend. SXSW was pretty intense. I do have some good pics to post and a story or two to tell. I saw the best rock show of my life while I was down there. Actually, it was more a conglomeration of shows to make it the best rock n' roll experience of my life. I will expand soon. But I will tell you this, Volcom knows how to throw down.

2008-02-28T00:08:00.002-05:00

...no more college tries

shut up and count some sheep

2008-02-24T20:37:00.002-05:00

scrapping the books, calling off the study session, leaving the library, and taking my self to the movies

Atonement, by Ian McEwan, was one of the novels I have read this semester for my contemporary literature class and I feel like going to see the film

what better way to procrastinate and simultaneously remember that I suck at relationships/love?

and it only costs me a few dollars

a few measly dollars

Friday night, i bought three donuts, a cup of coffee with cream, and a pack of smokes
drove around Raleigh
just drove
eating donuts, drinking coffee, driving, and not thinking
a mental vacation-- complete with sugar, caffeine, and nicotine
solo, of course

2008-02-24T15:41:00.002-05:00

Thank you John Darnielle. Thank you for the music.

2008-02-16T12:27:00.002-05:00

Bruce Wunner is on my shit list. He and his accomplices will answer. They will pay my dad, and they will know what they did to me. It is only a matter of time. This is my project for spring break. No beaches for me; only law books and legal documents.

2008-02-10T11:11:00.000-05:00

Dreams, they are needed to fuel actions.

2008-02-09T15:17:00.000-05:00

Someone go to work for me, wait on the tables, and bring me the cash. Please. I want to saturate my brain in the sunlight and read. It is a reoccurring theme-- me not wanting to work. It is not that I do not want to work, but simply that I rather be doing something else, like writing. Yet I want to go to SXSW and New York and Mexico. I need my wisdom teeth out and a Mac. So I work, and do my best to save. I do my best not to get upset. Forget about the mental restraints colored on me by the necessities of modern life. And find a song.

Curisve The Sunks

2008-02-06T20:58:00.000-05:00

A sonnet I had to write for my poetry class

Routine Measures

At night, I will sit down in the shower
Tilt back and hold my feet up in the air
The soles awake from the water's power
Eyes closed, steaming away all care

Lights out, only a blur from the window
Wash, scrub, cleanse and melt the day down the drain
A bar of soap with no scent helps the skin grow
Condition the shell and deflect all pain

Try not to question why some people depart
Consider another option to try
Buy a vitamin to strengthen the heart
Plate it with metal to protect from a lie

A non corrosive alloy works the best
Still able to sit in the shower and rest

2008-02-05T11:08:00.001-05:00

Quote of the day. Taken from Looking Backward 2000-1887, a Utopian fiction by Edward Bellamy, written in 1887.

It appears to me, Miss Leete, that if we could have devised an arrangement for providing everybody with music in their homes, perfect in quality, unlimited in quantity, suited to every mood, and beginning and ceasing at will, we should have considered the limit of human felicity already attained, and ceased to strive for further improvements.

If he only knew.

2008-02-04T14:19:00.000-05:00

Riddle of the day:

What walks on four legs through the internet, two legs through television, and three legs through radio?

2008-02-03T11:09:00.000-05:00

Thank you Mr. Bob Lefsetz for sending ANOTHER email about the music industry and thus delaying my trip to the library and my start of the monstrous load of school work I have accumulated.

In his email, The Death Of Cool?, Lefsetz says that the Vampire Weekend show on Letterman was "awful." And denounces their album as just internet hype. He also declares to be satisfied with himself for not falling into the whirlpool of hype,

"Vampire Weekend's album might be better than their live show. But last night on Letterman, I just saw more white boys playing thin rock. I laughed to myself, wondering why everybody was wasting so much time on this evanescent act. I switched the channel." -Lefsetz

Alright. I am taking the backside view of all this.

There is a simple reason why influences like Lefsetz, bloggers (mind you I do not include myself in this podge; I just write about my miscelleanous life), and other crtics don't like this album--- and why I DO like the album. I ignore buzz, I don't lurch on the claims of other publications, and I don't rely on a performance at a major network television channel to decide whether or not I like a band.

I caught a few songs from Vampire Weekend during CMJ. In the cramped basement of the Cake Shop on the lower east side, these guys packed the people and pumped the pop. I stored this moment in my memory and then waited for the album to drop. When their self titled debut came into the WKNC studio I listened and was quite pleased. It is indie pop-rock at its most colorful moment. They are four college grads that have written songs about being young and having fun. And that is exactly what the sound of the album is.

[Visual Moment] It is late spring time, and the temperatures are pushing into summer. The sun is warm yet not blistering. On a simple wooden stage, only three feet off the ground, is Vampire Weekend. In front of them dances an audience- barefoot and skipping, hopping, bouncing on the grass. There is lemonade, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and not a care in the world--- just music. [Smile]

Vampire Weekend's debut is a simple optimistic glimpse of what it is to be young and searching for fun.

I come back to a main point I have declared in the past. It is about the music, and music is about emotion. It is about finding a connection to the songs. The voices in the industry are always trying to catch that latest, say it first, and set the standards--- and it is killing the music. I understand the marketing and A&R aspects of the industry. I know how the voices of opinion can kill or create a band, and sometimes I wish I could bundle all of the mess up and wrap it in duck tape. Toss it in the trash can. You are not going to get the gist of a band by watching them on Letterman. [Not to mention that Letterman was a terrible choice. Conan's audience is much more receptive to alternative music. Duh.]

As far as being cool is concerned. There is no emotion in being cool. I gave up on being cool. I do what I do because I love music, and experiencing live music. Try it. It is working well for me.

So, Vampire Weekend, if you want to come down to Raleigh in April or May and play an outdoor show, let me know. We will make it a grand ole' time and give Lefsetz something to absorb.

Cue "Walcott" by Vampire Weekend and let the school work begin.

2008-01-29T22:49:00.000-05:00

Why would you trade your heart for one that is not beating anymore?

Because it is strictly a deal

-Avetts

2008-01-24T22:38:00.000-05:00

I am going to SXSW this year. I have to. It is on my to-do list.

2008-01-24T10:12:00.000-05:00

Mid-January bleakness. Skies are a heavy gray that fold down on the mind. I am a cyclist. Not pedaling, rather pushing through a shade I don't understand. Can't comprehend. Don't Care.

That is a lie. I care. Sometimes at least.

My state is not that disheveled, rather I am just frustrated. I want so badly not to work. Just to quit my job and live. Write whenever I want to. There are so many things that I have been wanting to write. When I walk down the street I see scenes, clips of of the day, that are phrases; sections of stories. Ideas that I have to neglect in order to pay the bills and get my assignments done. When I graduate maybe I will just escape, move away, find a radio station out west to DJ at, a mindless waitress job, an apartment with the bare bones, and write--- just write.

Omaha perhaps.

I've been digging Centipede E'est and their song "Mirrors" lately. It is a solid, well written, modern psychedelic-rock track that taps into the reservoirs of energy. I believe it to be about rear-view mirrors and driving on the highway, but (in honor of my 8:30AM poetry class) "the message the piece is trying to deliver is deeper than that." It is trying to convey the idea that even if you check both side mirrors and use a blinker before switching lanes life can still bite you in the ass; luckily I inherited my mom's ass.

Clink.

2008-01-21T22:21:00.000-05:00

This is why I love my job.

2008-01-21T14:35:00.000-05:00

Trying a new title. Don't know if I like it. I guess I will take it for a test run. See how it does. Let the headache wear off. Uh, my head.

Why do people leave?

2008-01-14T11:36:00.000-05:00

I had to go back and look at the last thing I posted, to try and get a bearing on everything. Because right now it feels like I am at the laundry mat, standing with heavy shoulders, my arms long and lifeless tacked on to my torso, drone eyes starring at the over sized dryer, watching the clothes tumble. Dingy t-shirts fall on top of worn towels, the button on a pair of jeans builds a tempo--- clink, __________ , clink, __________ , clink, _________ --- under garments exposed for all to see, around and around and around and around. Clothes are no longer clean once they leave the dryer.

This semester is going to be intense. I have a history class, the third level of Spanish, a poetry writing class (at 8:30 in the morning), contemporary literature with a reading list consisting of eight substantial novels, and an advanced fiction writing class. I am still waiting tables and holding my duties as music director for WKNC. I will do it. I have to. It will be good for me; my last semester with no chemistry classes. Combining a fiction writing class in the same semester as a poetry writing class all while reading novels that have been published from 1999 through 2007 should force me to really write. I will find out better who I am, who I am not, my fears, my weaknesses, my strengths, and my voice.

Letter to a Young Writer, by Richard Bausch is one of the first assignments for my fiction writing class. I read it last night and I felt a minor sense of encouragement. Bausch's most permeating advice was the simplest and romantic of all-

"Do not think. Dream. Dream the story up. Make it up. Be fanciful. Follow what comes to you to say and try not to worry about whether or not it's smart or shows your sensitive nature in the best light or delivers the matters of living that you think you have learned. Just dream it up and let the thing play itself out as it seems to want to."

This should be applied to all things in life.

There were however two things I wanted to add to his list of Ten Commandments for young writers. Two very important things.

1. Do not drink. Do not let alcohol consume who you are or how you act. Do not let it get in the way of what you want to do. It is a potent substance that will dull the mind and harden the soul.

2. Love someone. Try, at least try, to experience love. Don't try too hard. Don't fabricate it. Let it find you, and don't be scared when it does. There is power in the connection between two human beings [Or at least that is what I want to believe].

So for right now, those are the two things I have on my mind; keeping of course the intents to find authenticity and live deliberately.

Also debating changing the blog title.

Bobby Conn brightens the day. Mr. Conn, how do your clothes stay so bright?

2008-01-02T15:34:00.000-05:00

A new year. Is it not just a number?

Plant the ass in the seat, and write.

I am ready for school, which will mean much less drinking. My liver needs a rest. Funny how when school isn't in, I am letting my brain relax and putting the liver to the test.

Syntax. Look at that sentence structure. Tisk, Tisk.

Authenticity is what I want for 2008. I told someone that and they didn't get it. Silly boy. Can't you see? Authenticity is an extension of living deliberately, a way of keeping the mind from becoming lazy, self exposure.

Authentic with others, self, and the cultures. Authentic sounds. Music.

Wes Anderson meet Devendra Banhart, please.

Clean the desk. Look at the bank account, a few bills. Think about the grocery store. Stretch. Don't drink,,,,,,

2007-12-29T15:27:00.001-05:00

I will have something worth posting in 2008. Have to get through the weekend at work. The mild temperatures have made the holiday season much less irritating.

2007-12-16T22:51:00.000-05:00

to live deliberately
and do the chicago promenade

[almost done with exams]

2007-12-11T11:18:00.000-05:00

Property Tax

The problem with the industry is simple: we treat music like real estate. It is a package deal complete with property rights, sales agents, mortgage lenders, appraisers, foreclosures, auctions, and demolitions. Except in music, there are no property taxes, which means the product is not appreciating in value. There are licensing and performance fees, but those are not comparable. Music is not a necessity. It is a luxury. There may be factors that influence its progression, like the advancement in technology, but predictions on how listeners and the industry are going to react cannot be made. It is not a housing market. Music is an art and art is a subjective matter. Nothing will change for the better until music is treated like a valuable.

2007-12-05T18:38:00.000-05:00

Almost, it's almost over- the exams, papers, projects, stress.

I have a twenty page paper due on Monday, worth fifty percent of my grade. It's about the music industry and my role, what I plan to do after graduation, the current condition, the past, the future, and everything in between. It's coming together, slowly, but steadily. Through this semester, and my continuum as music director, I have come to this conclusion:

No matter what- fill in whatever necessary to define the what- it will always be about the music.

The sound, the feel, the tone, rhythm, lyrics [or absence of], pitch, crescendos, fades, beats- its music and its why I do it. I do it because I love music.

And just because everyone is doing their best of 2007 lists, here is my most anticipated album of 2008.

Okay, so I've already listened to it- Thanks Yep Roc Records.

2007-11-26T10:31:00.001-05:00

Below is section of a creative project I did for my 19th century American Poetry class. I chose selected portions of Leaves of Grass and brought them to a 21st century perspective.

"Walt Whitman, an American, one of the roughs, a kosmos,
Disorderly fleshy and sensual . . . eating drinking and breeding,
No senimentalist . . . no stander above men and women or
apart from them . . . no more modest that immodest."

~Walt Whitman, from Leaves of Grass

Kelly Reid, a _____________ , one of the escapees, an indie,

Deliberately exhausted and insoluble . . . working enduring and maintaining,

No refugee . . . no more weathered than any other product

of an unbalanced formula . . . no more impeded than abled.

And as an added bonus- two records I picked up this weekend

2007-11-24T00:03:00.000-05:00

30degrees on a friday night

Jump at the chance, jump high, and fall hard. This time investigate, assess, analyze.

No.

Titanium has a high resistance to corrosion. I should be fine.

Bills.
Busted car.
Wonder woman.
Why can't you just be nice to me?
Two nights of vacation.
Four days of no smoking.
Eye make up remover.
Exceptional drought.

[December]

2007-11-18T19:58:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving is on Thursday. It will be holiday season again. Wonderful holiday season. I will be having dinner at my sister's apartment, both my mom and dad will be there. They have been divorced five years and somehow, for some odd reason, we still eat together as a family on holidays.

Why? I don't get it. They are divorced. I am supposed to spend time with each separately, not together. Two years ago for Thanksgiving they rode together for the trip to Raleigh. My divorced parents in the same car for over two hours. Big mistake. I had to mediate for two hours so that they would at least agree on riding back together. They got divorced for a reason.

I will make it through another day of thanksgiving. Thankful for the semester almost complete. Thankful for holiday party season at work. Thankful for music.

I don't want another lonely Christmas. Another December of working late, drinking wine by myself at the bar, and coming home to cold hardwood floors. Even the best of music can't warm a solitary gray winter night. I will probably just work more. Put in more hours at the radio station.

Someone, the other day, told me I was beautiful. It sounded so simple and sweet. Maybe it was the beers. Maybe it was the hairstyle I had paid a lot for earlier that morning. Maybe he meant it. Maybe he will act on it. Regardless, I took the moment and added it to my memories not to be forgotten.

2007-11-15T09:51:00.000-05:00

I love music.

I love how it finds me- Gambling the Muse

I love how I find it- Wax Fang

I don't care if the industry is in a crisis. Numbers lie. It is not possible to predict the future of a business based on numbers. You may be able to in car or home sales, but not in music. Music is an art, and the business that has been created by music is unpredictable because art is unpredictable. And most importantly--- radio is not dead. Music lovers still desire an organic, unfiltered way to discover new music, and that medium is college radio. The bloggers will continue to strive to be tastemakers, but radio will prevail. Building a set of songs, a playlist, live on the air, no preprogrammed bull, is one of the best feelings. It is different than a blog or pitchfork. It is art through art.

Rock out with your heart out.

2007-11-12T21:12:00.001-05:00

I am at the office, feeling restless, and so I decided to write. Actually, I was listening to another new record, trying to catch up on some albums- I always feel like I am playing catch up- and I was almost done when I listened to "Smoke Rings" from the artist, Dri.

Who's in your heart is not always who's in your bed.

The first line of lyrics made me want to write. So I did.

I won't write about who is in my bed, or who is in my heart. I am not that kind of writer. I can't put my feelings of love into words, on paper or in person. It's probably why I am habitually, by choice, single. The songs on "Smoke Rings" held me past the first piercing line of truth. Although the sequencing of tracks is disjointed going into the second track, I got past it- but artists make a note that sequencing is important, especially if you claim to make albums and not just songs.

Indria is a radio and Itunes commercial ready track: catchy beat, dreamy vocals, texture through out. Inspiration has the soulful sound of 60's Motown. Skip Free Tonight; its a bad feel of Paula Abdul meets indie. Well I might take back everything, the album has declined, and the title track Smoke Rings, written by Ned Washington, barely saves the ending.

Just as everything else I examine lately- promising, disappointing, barely making it by, and left with a mediocre Ehhhhh.

What to do. Expand on the dissatisfaction and disjunction of my current status.

---> Turning points are supposed to hold something better and different around the corner. But I can't get myself around the corner. I am stuck. I can feel a change. I know I need something different. Nothing. Just anxiety.

Maybe it's the weather. Or maybe it's just me.

Me.

Not wanting to write. Feeling blase. Spiraling. Hangnails. Heavy shoulders. Fog. Frustration. Why. Cause. Effect. Cure. Persistent. Frigid. Unhealthy. Determination. Hindrance.

Independence is a nice way of lying about being alone.

I have got to get out of here.

2007-10-23T21:14:00.000-04:00

I don't want to give up my creative writing degree, but if the money isn't there for the bill from N.C. State then I can't pursue what I really want to do.

I am so fucking fed up with this lame ass excuse for a public education system, and health care for that matter.

If you are poor they give your money for school/healthcare to earn a degree/go to doctor. If you're not poor, but middle class, your are stuck--- stuck with student loan debt straight out of college/with no healthcare.

I know that I've ranted about this before, but I can't help it. It is something that dictates my education, and life, so strongly that I can't not write about it.

I don't want to graduate with only a chemistry degree. I want my creative writing degree, I want an unpaid internship at NPR this summer, I want to follow my passion.

Its always about the money. Because it is. You can't do much of shit in this society with out money.

2007-10-16T18:11:00.000-04:00

Whew.

New York City.

It will suck the energy right out of you. It makes me appreciate my lazy old South. I am almost too tired to write. But I'll try.

The people are interesting. Everyone is hip, or trying to be. Eccentric is standard in the city.

Okay, I can't do it. I have to go back to the apartment, and drop the laptop off, and go to some party. Parties parties parties. I am too old to party. I rather sit and drink wine, or eat sushi. Relax and attempt an intellectual conversation. I still have a paper to finish for an English class.

whew.

[Fashion update for all ladies in NC- BOOT BOOTS BOOTS, get a good pair and wear them everywhere. Flats or heels, but they must come to knee. Outside the pant too. And if you're feeling courages- ankle boots with tights. That is the report from NYC.]

2007-10-14T20:16:00.001-04:00

In 36 hours I will be at a panel for CMJ. In 24 hours I will be in New York City and my flight will have taken off and landed safely. The keys that I received in the mail will have let me into the awesome apartment in Greenwich Village. And in 12 hours my papers will be completed and turned in.

The stress levels will subside

Breathe.

2007-10-13T14:11:00.000-04:00

I have to figure out how to get invited to this infamous ASCAP party that boasts steak, bacon, whiskey, and the top dogs of the industry. I have heard it is invite only, no plus ones, and held at the best steakhouse in NYC.

I am doing CMJ week, and I am going to do it right.

2007-10-04T10:13:00.000-04:00

he's got a point. and a I am sure many will agree, many but no me. I can sing a long with the song, but I can't quite put myself there. because the best thing in the world, for me- right now, is to have health insurance. love doesn't help you get your wisdom teeth taken out.

it's a good song though, So Long by Jason Anderson

2007-10-03T00:01:00.001-04:00

What am I doing? I am a dork. I am putting myself out in the music industry. Putting what I have to say out there, which makes me a little scared.

When I say dork [this is a terrible word. it sticks to the top of the mouth when spoken]I don't mean music nerd. No, oh no.

I am that person that never quite held on to one scene or genre. Chameleon is what I go for in the social structure. A comfortable, never permanent, always unsure about everyone, position. I rely on being a dork, it lets me float about the ranks and then brings me back down.

I figured out what is wrong with music these days. It came to me, while sitting on the grass, underneath a street light, outside of a friend's apartment, trying to pick up a wireless signal on his computer, listening to another disappointing album-

"Meh, meh, mewh, mewh, mewoh. That's the problem with rock these days, it's all Meow Mix."

But what do I know? I am just a dork.

2007-10-02T23:03:00.000-04:00

this is old. it is from my wknc profile.

________

For me, music is everything. It is the sound of emotion. It's hearing the right song when you need it the most. It's being there when the songs you love come alive on stage and you couldn't imagine being anywhere else. It's knowing that one of the songs I play might help someone get through their day. It's why I do radio.

I don't have an I-Pod. I don't assemble playlists prior to my shifts. I wake up Thursday mornings, wash my face, brush my teeth, look outside my window and think of one song that can sum up my current mood. I grab that CD, pull whatever others catch my eye, pick through my young collection of vynil for a few records, and make sure I leave the house with a cup of coffee.

When I DJ I empty my bag on the counter and usually start with the song from the window and then I build on that. I play songs that feel right. I do my best to play requests. I always take my shoes off and leave them outside the studio door. I started doing my shifts shoe-less last semester when I had a four hour shift. Taking my shoes off relaxes my mind and lets me forget about everything else I have to do that day- I only think about the music

2007-10-01T20:22:00.001-04:00

Advice for bands

What not to put on your bio sheet that accompanies the CD you send a radio station:

"Originally a cover band, [band name omitted because I am a nice person] played music ranging from Pearl Jam to Radiohead to U2 while developing its own sound.

Influences: Radiohead....U2.....Pearl Jam.... [and other bands that everyone lists in hopes to appeal to college radio]"

Okay,

Lesson number one- please do not admit to being a cover band. I despise cover bands. They make me want to puke.

Lesson number two- don't give typical bands, throw a little something unique in the influences or "sounds like" line. Put a little effort into it. If you can't think of anything original then reconsider why you are sending your record to college radio stations.

Lesson number three- if lesson one and two are ignored, for the good of humanity, don't list the bands that you covered under influences. LAME-O. Lie to me and tell me you were a polka cover band, something, anything.

Class Dismissed.

2007-09-25T20:46:00.000-04:00

I am remembering again, remembering why I love music.

It's because at the end of a stressful, argumentative, menstruating, exhaustive day there is an album that takes me away from it all. The corners of my lips curl up into a semi-smile, I quit picking at my cuticles, my mind stops racing- the music has taken me away from it all.

Calm. Enticing. Complete. Splendid. All I have to say is thank you.

It is the new relase from Two Gallants, in stores today.

2007-09-24T11:04:00.001-04:00

I am in an exceptionally pleasant mood today and I can attribute this to hearing good music, such as

Standing at the Threshold, by Deer Tick

2007-09-24T08:06:00.000-04:00

The song I thought of this morning, before all other songs:

Utilities, by The Weakerthans, from the album Reunion Tour

2007-09-19T12:45:00.000-04:00

Overbooked. Overworked. Not over the edge, not yet- not ever.

Taking the time, ten minutes or so, to breathe. Write. And listen.

Emails before class, before bed, always an email to be read.

To do lists here. Sticky notes everywhere. Waking up to remeber that I forgot to wash my clothes for work. A warm wash cloth and an iron press will leave my pants almost fresh.

Need to leave the elementary ryhme skills and make phone calls.

2007-09-10T11:02:00.000-04:00

rules for managing stress levels:

No more than one drink on Thurs, Fri, or Sat.
Do Spanish workbook before class EVERY DAY
No spending money till I have found accommodations for CMJ
Walk fat ass to school every day, no exceptions
Daily updated to-do list
Do one thing for self every day, no matter what

[Listening to Left Outlet 's advance demo. It's keeping me grounded and composed.]

2007-09-08T02:11:00.001-04:00

cmj music marathon

its a party* of, by and for the industry

*party may be interpreted as an informal business meeting with a heavy focus on networking

2007-09-05T12:48:00.000-04:00

The time has come. I may have to succumb to the reign of Apple.

My mp3 player is on its death bed. The screen is busted, the left headphone barely works, and the most detrimental malfunction of all- the FM tuner does not pick up WKNC. I can't listen to my radio station (Yes, MY radio station! I work there enough to call it mine. Hell I might as well call it my significant other.)

Do I get an iPODnano with a 4 or 8 GB capacity? Then I would need to buy an FM adapter. Do I buy a less expensive mp3 player and compromise space and durability?

This is not in my budget. Wait, I don't have a budget. But it definitely cuts into my trip to New York City. But I literally cannot live with out a music device. It's not so much that I have to be listening to music, in a manner of addiction, but rather I have to and need to be listening to music. Every spare moment I have to listen to a new album and check up on the DJs is crucial.

This brings me to a point that has been bothering me. When you have to listen to music and you have to listen to it critically versus listening simply for pleasure, music loses its appeal. It becomes a duty rather than recreation.

When an album can take me away from the duty, into the sound, into the art, and make my ears tingle then it is TRULY a good album.

Check out PLANE. Their album "I See Love In The Future" takes me away, makes me smile, and I even groove a lil.

2007-09-03T17:35:00.000-04:00

I am having a hard time starting this. My mind isn't being kind, but then I am not being kind to it. My brain capacity is spread over my long list of things to do. I would like to sit down and write a wonderful entry about music but I can't right now. Not in a complacent mood. Rather, more fidgety and anxious.

This however, is a half-written piece I had to do for my creative non-fiction class. The subject was PLACE. I avoided writing this piece, and avoided developing the piece, as much as I avoid going to that place.
__________________________________

Where are you from?

It’s one of the three main questions that are asked within the first three minutes of meeting someone new while living the forever remembered, life directing, hallowed college years.

And because I’ve accumulated so many of the supposed famed college years, I have deciphered a keen translation of North Carolinian accents into their respective regions. The thick, deeply drawn southern accent places a person in the eastern part of the state. A good example would be a young man saying he is from “Whhhyt-vil.” Translation: he is from Whiteville- a small coastal area south of Wilmington. There is notable latitudial difference in coastal dialect. A person from the outer banks or northern coast of the state could be mistaken for a Yankee, and on the extreme a Bostonian. The mountains of North Carolina produce a different twist of southern twang, one that tends to be rapidly spat and slightly mumbled. And then there is the red flag- being from a county. The person has neglected the town, or community name, and rather referenced the county- in hopes that it will strike recollection of a highway sign or two.

Where am I from?

If someone were to ask me this in ten or fifteen years I would tell them Raleigh. But for right now, I am from Concord. It’s in between the two extremes of dialect, a comfortable medium. It is a large town with growing problems, and it continues to act like a small town. This creates issues, issues that are fueled by facades of a wonderful life. These facades are what hide generations of people who never left.

Technically, I am from Cabarrus County. It is very easy to get to ‘my house’. Simply take the exit for Dale Earnhardt Boulevard from Interstate 85, follow this till it intersects with Highway 3, head east bound till you pass the Food Lion and then take a left at the Sun-Drop bottling plant. Go north on Old Concord-Salisbury Road, passing over Rocky River Creek into Cabarrus County. ‘My house’ is in the measely- excuse-for-a-neighborhood on the right.

But I don’t need to say Cabarrus County; all I need to say is Concord. This gets the immediate response of: “Oh yeah, Concord Mills.” As deceiving as it may sound, Concord Mills is not a preserved historic site that represents the great wealth of textiles that flourished in the area. Rather, it is a 1.32 million square foot shopping mall. It is widely known for the giant Bass Pro fishing and hunting mega-store and is located a convenient five minutes from Lowe’s Motor Speedway. It reigns as the most visited attraction in North Carolina; beating the outer banks and Blue Ridge Parkway. Yes, more people rather go to a mall then experience the outdoors.

But the mall, the Nascar, the four-lane renamed highways with too much traffic are characteristics of what Concord is now. It’s not what I am familiar with. Its not what I choose to remember. My Concord is different. And those directions are not how I get ‘home’.

I take the back roads to get home- I don’t go inside the city limits. From Highway 73 I take Irish Potato to Gold Hill road. I wind down the turns of Neisler, passing the Bosts’ small farm, and hit Old Concord-Salisbury Road north of where my house is. This route gives me time to prepare. The air is clean, the traffic is light, and the grass is green. I can smell the earth.

And I still go to the diner where I worked during High School. The name is different now. It’s no longer Ted’s Family Restaurant. It was sold to the brother of the Greek family who owned it. The food is the same at the newly named Parkway Diner- country style steak with rice, baked chicken that is somehow as greasy as fried chicken, and pinto beans remain exclusive to only Sunday.

You see, I make Concord what I want it to be. It depends on how long I stay there as to what it will become. A few hours, one day, maybe two, but never more than three. Concord is why I remained in Raleigh the summer after my first year in college. It has sticky tricks to it, a capability of dulling a personlity, and a way of sucking all motivation or ambition from someone’s spirit. It is a trap.

2007-08-26T22:21:00.000-04:00

Exhausted.

23 hours at the comedy club this weekend, classes began on Wednesday, and radio work was busy as the industry prepares for Rock-tober. All I want to do right now is sleep, and cry. I am verry worried about my foot. I hyper-extended my left foot in May and it is bothering me quite badly. I went to the health center in June. The x-rays revealed no fractures or chips. I apparently just bruised the ball of my foot, which now hurts 85% of the day. I get upset when I think about it. It's a mixture of fear and confusion.

I don't have health insurance so I can't afford to see and orthopedist, the best I get is Ibuprofen and the student health center. And so I cry. Because all I want is to see a doctor. I want to know what is wrong with my foot. I want to continue to live an active, happy life. I want my dad to know how upset I am with him for failing to provide health insurance on a regular basis. I want ReFuel America to know how their pitiful and unsuccessful attempt at distributing biodiesel has effected my father, and me. I want "President" Bush to know that the health care system in the Land of the Free is fucked. I want my wisdom teeth out. I want to see the neurologist for my annual check up. I want to see my psychiatrist.

I guess I want too much.

So, rather, I listen to Una and read Emerson's poetry for class in the morning.

2007-08-22T13:14:00.000-04:00

Quote of the day, coming from the AP story "Surf's Up in Gaza; good will, too" written by Aron Heller, extracted from the News & Observer, picked up outside the mini-mart on the corner of Hillsbourgh St. and Ashe Ave.

"God will surf with the devil if the waves are good."

Dorian Paskowitz, a retired doctor who has been surfing for 75 years

~~~
New records are arriving in waves, high tide on Mondays and Tuesdays. Excited about the new Aseop Rock, not excited about the new Talib Kweli.

The new Liars album is on point, accessible, and rock-orgasmic. Rilo Kiley is good, in a new-commercial-for another overpriced electronic device- kind of way; its just a matter of time. New Josh Ritter release: eh, it's alright, but it's like someone is pushing him in the wrong direction. Josh, it's okay to follow up an album with one of a similar sound, don't over produce what isn't there.

I'm out. Another English class to be attended.

2007-08-15T15:42:00.001-04:00

Its coming.

The entries will return soon. I've been busy lately, on purpose. Staying busy is my therapy.

~
Reflections on five years in Raleigh.

Diving into the INDUSTRY.

Revisiting, "Fault Lines"

Worth A Listen

~

It's all coming. Soon. And I am not taking any chemistry classes this semester so maybe my writing will finally come to life, until then go check out Oliver Future. You will not be disappointed. I have tables to wait on and money to make. Oh yes, and a haircut tomorrow.